I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
