I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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