Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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