I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
