just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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