google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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