If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
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This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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