Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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