There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I need moral support for this bender
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
