Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Randomize
