dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
