yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
