he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
