My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
