I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
