Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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