Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
