Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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