so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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