Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
