I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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