he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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