I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
