sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
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please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
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There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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