Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
