i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
