I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
