just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
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