he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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