One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
