That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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