saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
