Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
this hospital has no fireball
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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