That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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