i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
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I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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