They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
there is glitter all over my balls
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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