When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
