i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
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I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
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That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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