Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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