...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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