i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
