i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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