omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
