he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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