and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
