currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
