you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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