a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
