I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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