if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
