just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
