were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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