Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
