porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
