i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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