i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
