if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
