Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
