Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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