I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
