I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
being pregnant is like rehab
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
