he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
