alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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